GREATER Teacher Onizuka! Here He Comes, America!
by Melsan
Summary: Eikichi Onizuka's still a pathetic virgin, but still a great teacher. He's going to test his skills in the good ol' US of A! Good luck, Eikichi!
1. Chapter 1: It begins

Fall is here. In America, school has begun and children are going back to school. In Japan, it's a bit different. Eikichi Onizuka was still a teacher at Holy Forest School. He was living in the attic... still... he's a virgin... still... but now... he's alittle older. His hair's alittle longer, and the bleached part's grown out, making you able to see his original hair color.  
  
"Ugh... the ramen got cold. Ah well." Onizuka whispered as he slurped up the noodles.  
  
"Mr. Onizuka!" Asuza Fuyutsuki, another teacher in the school (not to mention Ekichi's sweetheart) called to him.  
  
"Hm? Fuyutsuki-chan?" He put the chopsticks down and took a cigarette which he had hiding behind his ear. He lit it up and spoke to her. "What's wrong? You look upset." He took a deep puff on the cigarette.  
  
"Did you hear?" She gave him a pamphlet which was for very good teachers.  
  
"There's going to be a competition in America! Where the world's best teachers compete for the grand award of best teacher of all time!"  
  
"You don't say..." He said exhaling the smoke.  
  
"I think it would be great for you to try out, Mr. Onizuka."  
  
"But don't you need to know English and junk?"  
  
"Hmm..." She looks at the paper to check. "It probably would be required but... I'm sure you can handle it!"  
  
He puts the cigarette out and stands up. "Sounds like fun. I think I made my mark on Japan! I'm off to try out in America!"  
  
"Yay!" Fuyutsuki applauded Onizuka. She looked at him as her eyes shined proudly and her face grew red. "Oh Onizuka..." she thought for a moment. "I do hope you win. You're such a great teacher!"  
  
"Why, thank you, Fuyutsuki-chan." He smiled.  
  
"Wha?!" She blushed. "What are you, a mind reader?!"  
  
"You said that last part aloud!" He laughed a bit. She laughed as well and looked back at the paper again. Her smile disappeared when she read more. "Um... Onizuka...?"  
  
"Hmmm?" She handed him the paper and pointed to the bottom. He saw he had to pay for his trip to America.  
  
"Ah! How much does it cost?!"  
  
"I got it! We can check on the internet for a cheap price!"  
  
"Internet? You mean it can be used for more than por... I mean... let's do it!"  
  
They both went to the school's computer lab. Fuyutsuki checked on the web as he giggled and played on another computer, looking at porno and thinking of dirty fantasies.  
  
--- "Oh Onizuka..." His fantasy began. It was Fuyutsuki laying on the bed with nothing but her underwear on. "Come join us, Eikichi-kun."  
  
He giggled and he felt another hand from behind him on his hip. It was Nao, the school nurse.  
  
"Be gentle on us girls, tiger." She said petting him.  
  
Julia Murai also entered the room. She was completely nude. He grinned and blushed happily. They pulled him to the bed.  
  
"We need you, Onizuka... we want you... Onizuka... Onizuka! Onizuka!" ---  
  
"Onizuka? Onizuka!" Fuyutsuki called him. His fantasy kept going, but as it did, she called to him.  
  
"Relax girls..." He whispered. "There's enough Eikichi for all of ya." He giggled and drooled.  
  
"What? Mr. Onizuka! What are you saying?!"  
  
He finally snapped out of it. "Huh?! What?" He looked at Fuyutsuki. "How'd you get dressed so fast?"  
  
"Dre...wha...? What were you..."  
  
He remembered it was just a daydream. His face grew red as he laughed. "Hahahaha! Sorry sorry! I thought um...uh..."  
  
"Oh, nevermind!" She pointed to the screen. "Look!"  
  
He walked over on his hands and looked at the screen upside down.  
  
"Tokyo to San Francisco... round trip... 49,840 yen, eh?"  
  
"I know it's a bit expensive, but it'll be worth it! Let America know about the great teacher, Eikichi Onizuka!"  
  
Fuyutsuki saw Onizuka was now wearing a hitch hiking outfit with the sign, "San Francisco or bust."  
  
"Oh Onizuka..." She rolled her eyes. "Try out for the round trip!"  
  
"Alright! America'll never know what him'em!" He then stopped for a minute. "Wait..."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"In America, they have hot girls there! With great bodies!" He looked at himself in the mirror. "I need to fix my hair!" He then patted his chin, feeling some growth. "And shave!"  
  
She growled at him (purely out of jealousy.) "Onizuka..." She thought. "How could you think about that at a time like this?!"  
  
"And the home of the braaaaaave... PLAY BALL!" Onizuka threw a baseball which bounced back and hit him right in the face.  
  
"AH! Mr. Onizuka, speak to me!" 


	2. Chapter 2: Uchiyamada and Onizuka

Time to get serious. Eikichi Onizuka needed to reclaim is title as a great teacher. His previous class went off to graduate, and he was now stuck with a bunch of scrawny punks.   
  
"Ugh. This place is terrible." He groaned, watching how the kids cleared Onizuka's path.  
  
"Forgive us, Mr. Onizuka!" One said while he swept the floor.  
  
"Yeah, don't mention it." He took his cigarette and tossed it to the ground.  
  
"These kids are way too tame. I miss my old class." He sighed and sat on top of Vice Prinicipal Uchiyamada's Cresta. This was his seventh? Eighth? Who knows? As soon as his rear touched the top, this emergency alarm went off.  
  
"Warning! Warning! Step away from the car!"  
  
Onizuka jumped off the car. "Shit!" He looked around and checked to see if anybody was coming. "Damn it! Damn it! Shut up! Shut up!"  
  
He yelled as he kicked at the car.  
  
From the top floor of the school a teacher called Uchiyamada to the window. "Vice principal! Your car!"  
  
Vice principal sighed. He was taking care of Onizuka's class because he was late. "What is it? What could be worse than Onizuka..."  
  
He looked out the window and saw his car had a hole in the hood. Onizuka ripped out the car alarm and at the moment he was stomping on it.   
  
"ONIZUKA!" Uchiyamada screamed at the top of his lungs.  
  
"Hm?" He saw Uchiyamada was looking. "Uh... um... I'll fix it!" He put the car alarm back inside and patted the top. "There, see? Good as new!"   
  
The car exploded and went on fire.  
  
"AHHH!!!"  
  
"Um... oops?"  
  
Uchiyamada was now running down the stairs. His face was blood red. He was so angry, he was ready to murder Onizuka. "He's fired! He's through! He's dead! He was caught red handed! He broke my Cresta! I saw him do it! He's through!"  
  
Onizuka ran in and greeted the Vice Principal. "Why hello..."  
  
"Onizuka! I'll kill you!" He ran to attack him but the teachers were holding him back.  
  
"Vice principal, please!"  
  
"What's all this?"  
  
They turned around and saw Mrs. Sakurai, the school chairman. "What's going on here?"  
  
"Oh nothing, Sakurai!" Onizuka smiled. He was now wearing a halo and wings from a costume.   
  
Sakurai smiled at the innocent looking teacher. "Good boy, Mr. Onizuka." She petted his head.  
  
"Chuu!" He squealed.   
  
"Don't buy that innocent crap!" Uchiyamada growled. "He's a liar and a fake, and he should be fired!"  
  
Sakurai growled at Uchiyamada. "Oh stop that, Onizuka. What could this boy do?" She patted his shoulder as Onizuka made faces at the vice principal.  
  
"Look at him! He's a monster!"   
  
She looked back and Onizuka who was whistling innocently. She looked back to Uchiyamada and saw he was now wearing devil horns and a tail with a sign labeled "idiot" on his chest.  
  
"Hmph. Onizuka's a good boy, now leave him alone, Uchiyamada." She walked off.  
  
"Bye bye!" Onizuka waved.   
  
"Who the hell did this?!" Uchiyamada growled and threw off the sign and horns along with the tail on the floor. Onizuka placed his hand on Uchiyamada's bald head and patted him. "Hey you should relax. No need to get mad over nothin'." He skipped off.   
  
"You bastard! I HATE YOU."  
  
"Oh yes!" Sakurai walked back. "Good luck at the competition for becoming a great teacher in America, Onizuka!"   
  
Uchiyamada laughed out hard. "Great TEACHER?! This idiot's an ex gang member, with bleached hair and ear piercings. He's a graduate from a third rate college and he can't even handle the children's work! He's always late to class and he can't spell!"   
  
Onizuka growled at how this man insulted him.   
  
"Well..." Sakurai started. Onizuka's eyes sparkled to hear Sakurai defend him.   
  
"Perhaps he isn't very bright." Onizuka fell over. "I knew it."   
  
"And he's not very responsible." There she goes. "And maybe he IS an ex gang member!" Onizuka sat in the corner in sorrow.   
  
"But he's a great teacher. He's saved the students lives, including saving yours, Hiroshi!" She pointed her finger at Uchiyamada.   
  
Onizuka smiled and glomped the chairman. "Chuu."  
  
A few hours passed and Onizuka was wandering the streets. "Damn. In order to go to America. I need to learn English." He paused to grab a pack of cigarettes. He stood up and crossed the street. He looked in front of him and saw a familiar building.   
  
"Wait a minute... I know!"  
  
"Well, well, well. Mr. Onizuka wants my help. The teacher comes to the teached for aid. How ironic. Well, not in my case."  
  
Onizuka went to see Urumi Kanzaki in her apartment. She was alone with her favorite teacher.   
  
"So will you teach me English?"  
  
"Sure, why not?" She walked to him and petted his head. "This will be fun, right Eikichi-kun?"  
  
"Gulp." 


	3. Chapter 3: Urumisensei

"Now... recite the alphabet, Onizuka."

Urumi Kanzaki was on her way teaching Eikichi Onizuka how to speak English. Being as mischievous as she is, she put a kiddy sailor suit and hat on Onizuka.

"This is ridiculous! Do I REALLY need this hat?"

Urumi gave him a firey glare which made Eikichi flinch. He growled and looked straightforward. "A... B... C... D... uh... G..."

Next thing he knew, Eikichi was electrocuted. "YEOW!" He flew back into the wall. "What the hell what THAT!"

Urumi laughed evilly. "Everytime you screw up, I'm sending 1000 volts of pure electricity through your body!"

"Are you crazy!"

"Want me to do it again?"

"No! That's okay! HEH HEH HEH!" Eikichi read the alphabet again... "A... B... gulp... C... Dje... uh WAIT! I didn't mean!"

Once again he was electrocuted. "YEAAAAAAHHHH!"

"Isn't this fun!" Urumi laughed as she pressed the shock button over and over. By the time she was through, Eikichi collapsed, twitching as smoke rose from his body.

"Whew. Well. Now it's time for a break!"

Eikichi dusted himself off and sat up. "Woo hoo! We get to have snacks!"

Urumi smirked. "Yep... the best kind."

"Huh?"

Urumi lifted up one leg. Eikichi looked at her, confused. She then pulled off her panties and swung them on her index finger. Eikichi got a nose bleed and held both hands over his nose. Urumi laughed. "Wow! That looked like a river just shot out of your nose!"

Eikichi kept on staring at Urumi's skirt, wondering if maybe she'll move and he'll get to see some parts. "Heh heh..."

Urumi whapped him. "Now now. Like all things, you gotta work for these!" She continued to tease him with her panties.

Eikichi narrowed his eyes. "I knew this was a trap. What do I have to do?"

Urumi smiled. "Well..." She whispered into his ear.

"YOU WANT ME TO PERFORM A STRIP TEASE!"

Urumi laughed evilly. "Sure! You'll get these. Come on, Eikichi-kun!"

Eikichi growled, "But..."

Urumi yelled, "If you don't, I won't teach you English and you won't go to America and meet those stupid girls!"

Eikichi narrowed his eyes. He beg to ponder. "This is probably another trap of hers. I know she admited some feelings to me and that last line sounded...well... anyway... but still, she's the same ol' Urumi. ... then again... she DID graduate from the school. That makes it okay, right? RIGHT! Heh heh heh heh! She's so hot. I wonder how the panties are. Er. No! Wait! Remember, she IS younger! But how many times are you offered things from hot girls like her? No... yes! No... yes! And if I don't, I won't be able to go to America! I can't think of anyone else that would!"

He then went into fantasy mode. He thought of people who he could ask to teach him English.

First, Fuyutsuki: "You're learning English to meet American girls! You're sick! Go away!"

Uchiyamada: "That is not the actions of a teacher! How dare you... hey! Get back here!"

Ryuuji: "I'm sorry, I'm too busy with my job."

Eikichi: "Ryuuji, you selfish bastard!"

Ryuuji: "Hey! Maybe if you chilled out abit, you can find yourself a girl!"

Eikichi: "Easy for you to say!"

Ryuuji: "I was like that too but I changed!"

Eikichi: "Why you..."

Meanwhile in the present time, Eikichi was busy arguing by himself.

"So Eikichi." Urumi spoke to him. "Have you decided?"

Eikichi had already began to strip outside the building. He was shaking and humming his own strip music.

Urumi screamed out the window to him. "Hey!"

"Boom chicka boom chicka chicka..."

Next thing he knew, a spot light hit Eikichi. It was a police helicopter. "Alright, buddy. You're coming with us!"

"Oh CRAP!"

Urumi sank her head into her arms. "I didn't mean do it out in public... IDIOT!"

Twenty cops pointed guns at Eikichi.

"... aw SHIT!"

Urumi watched as they took Eikichi away. "Great. Now what's next?" 


End file.
